May 10, 2005

Heavy Thoughts

Last night I saw I [heart] Huckabees. I don't really like nihilism and existentialism, but the movie was interesting. My wife liked it much more. She wants to own a copy. I guess I don't have the same questions as some people. I don't have any need to answer the "Why are we here?" questions. I just accept that some things are too complicated for me and focus on the "Ok, I'm here. Now what?" questions.

On a seperate note, yet oddly related, I just found out that someone close to me had seen death in combat. It released a lot of emotions in me. In no particular order, I felt pride, sadness, regret, jealousy, relief, anxiety and fear. This was not a battle during WWII. It was closer to my reality, but it was still a lifetime away. I won't go into all the emotions, but I will say that the jealousy was for the way that this person was able to prove himself and to know he could make it through. Nothing more. I feel mostly sadness.

I wish I could have been there for him when he needed support. I haven't seen him in too long.
I didn't realize how important he was too me until I learned how close I had been to losing him.

I wish wars did not have to exist. I wish that there were other ways of protecting the things worth fighting for.

No comments: